Thursday, April 19, 2018

Dr, Please Help me Eat

Latest from the DramaQueen:

Dr, I can’t eat anything. I need to eat. I want to eat but I just can’t. I just don’t know what’s happening…

I have lost 2 kgs in just last 3 days…. There was this number I was chasing last 4 years… that’s my pre-pregnancy weight…. I tried so hard for last 4 years, but I couldn’t go back to that pre-pregnancy weight and now… I am on my pre-pregnancy weight number and that too without trying…  But I don’t want this…. I don’t want my bones to show up… I want my chubby cheeks back…  I want to eat each hour and still be hungry next hour… but I am not able to… Dr, I am dreaming about Misal Paav, Sabudana Khichadi and Veg Kolhapuris these days…. Dr, please help me… I want to eat…


Alright… let’s see how doctor helps and is there any effect….


I remember one incident which happened few years back… It was around the time of wedding of my brother….. I sensed some cold like symptoms to my body and I headed directly to a big doctor… I mean a big hospital with higher cost… And I had similar discussion…

“Dr. can you please test me for “Swine Flu” since it is trending currently…?” He was shocked by my request…  I told him… my brothers wedding is coming in few days… I want to participate and do lots of things… I have done lots of shopping especially for it… I am responsible for many activities… I will be the main character for few customs in wedding ceremony as well… I don’t want to fall sick… I want me to be normal… rather very high on energy since there will be lots of exertion. I don’t want to be sick… I just can’t afford it… I want everything to be perfect…

Please test that I won’t be having swine flu or anything like that… anything… Dr. said that there were people who were actually getting suffered from swine flu but still they were not coming for it’s test and here you doesn’t even have those symptoms still you want to do test for it. Doctor did his checkup and then he said frankly to me that I was not even getting cold. The feeling that I was having that “cold is coming” was just due to my over-thinking. He however asked me to take some rest and I will be perfectly ready for the ceremony. I was so determined that I took leave from my office, though my approved vacation was starting from next day and I took complete rest and then went with my planned activities for wedding.

Anyways, I need to eat but I can’t.

Tuesday, February 6, 2018

The bond... The Work-Family....The loss....

I got chance to go in the area where my old workplace was situated.  I was very emotional looking at the office building... It was changed... It was having the name with logo on both the sides...  The lights seemed to be dimmer... Obviously... it didn't have me now... The tea seller where most of the people would go for tea, had changed his road side stall into some concrete place. But I guess, his quality would have been changed. I was there in the time where most of the people would go for tea but now I didn't see many people.  The stationery shop was still crowded. The salon was still welcoming. I knew my ex-office collegues still go there. The place where I would treat myself with good food had some changes. There were many new options. I was hell lot of hungry... I had not had my lunch... but I was feeling so emotional... I didn't eat though I felt to try that new option.
This company was like a family... where most of the people cared... They were not just collegues... they became friends...  Alright, I really didn't want to think more so after spending few hours on the road and shops and signal and .... I returned home with heavy heart....

A old-coworker had called before some time. He wanted contact number of another ex-collegue. He said he got to know that she was not well.  I had one number but it was not connecting. I searched in my chats with her but that number too was said to be invalid. I texted few people including the Boss asking for her number.  Ex-Co-worker called again for number.  I said I was waiting for response and will provide him as soon as I get it. After some time, my Boss responded and provided me number asking reason. I texted back stating that she might be ill. I called on new number provided by Boss and it was switch off. In next 5 minutes, I got call from Boss. I was surprised. But sounding his tone, I realized something was wrong. Boss informed that our ex-collegue whose number we were searching for, passed away that morning.  She was not well since few months. I was just shocked. He checked with me whether I was in touch with her and when I met her last. We talked... rather he talked and I was just in shock. But he made sure in professional but friendly way that I will be fine. This was that bond... We everyone was connected to that logo as a family. Even when we are not connected with that brand anymore, we do still care...for our colleagues..... He asked me not to think much and suggested how do I proceed further.

Ahh...  this was third death from my that work-family... The people who were close to us at some point in time are lost forever... People are lost for forever... Once again... felt how trivial things we keep in our heart and then waste our time thinking about that. God... 

I realized now... why I felt so strong urge to go and roam around my old office in the evening... It may sound meaningless to someone... But it was something. Was this something that my office wanted to tell me? I don't know... Do I have telepathic bond with my office building as well? I don't know.. 

Dear God, may her soul rest in peace... I know you will have a plan for her little kids. 

Sunday, February 4, 2018

Goals for the Month - January - 2018 - Month end Review

One month passed... It was really very looong month.... Had to face many unpleasant things... Anyway, I am not going in that direction now. Here are my January goals listed.

  • Exercise :
I will start with Exercise. I have to take care of my parents health and obviously mine too.

  • Walking Challenge-- This is  somewhat similar as last month's 255555 steps challenge. But change here is I am supposed to walk EVERY day. So the steps are divided to every single day. This is going to be really tough rather problematic on weekends and the days when I am stuck at one place all day like training workshops etc.  -- God... first one only failed... Okay... so here the actual result... I did very well in this... but only because one day I missed my steps and I failed this challenge. The long weekend near end of the month it was day where I was in car for 15 hours. Whenever we took breaks from driving, I did walk but I couldn't make those required steps before midnight and I lost by some around 3000 steps that day. I lost the challenge because of this day and hence lost my $50 as well. :( Those particular hours when I was in car and I knew I had to walk so much steps and I did reach my destination before half an hour to midnight. I still walked steps in that half an hour but I couldn't make it. I had to walk many more steps. I knew that half an hour that I was going to fail but still I was trying hard. But still missed with 3000 steps. Anyway, I take all the blame to my planning. I could have planned this driving day better for walk. I could have gotten up earlier in morning and do the steps or something like that. -- 98% Failed but Done. 

  • Drinking 4 liters of Water daily – 4 liters including weekends. -- Okay... 60% . Have to focus on this. 
  • Drinking Milk Daily -- 22 days minimum. -- Done 100%. I guess I can take next step for this goal now. 

  • Pranayam -- I will start easy. I will do something daily. -- 20%. Failed. I just this a couple of days. I even downloaded a mobile app but after couple of days I have not even opened it. 

  • Sleep -- I am not getting enough sleep and this may be causing health issues. My hair-fall especially. I am not sure while writing what exactly I can do to get quality sleep so that it would be enough even if its lesser hours. -- I don't know. Not improved much but little bit better than nothing. 20% Failed

  • Reading and Writing :
Last couple of months I have got so many things in my list that I want to read. I want to spend time in reading and writing instead of wasting it here and there.
  • Some course at workplace - Get some cool training at workplace.  -- 100% Done

  • Read and Review – Reading 3 books and submit their review. -- 2 Books done, thirds review is in re-work. -- 70% Done

  • Update new website with content. -- 0% Not done
  • SEUs— Earning 15 SEUs. And this should be from at least 2 different categories.  -- I earned 10 but only from one category. I have to consult my seems-to-be well wisher at work who I think can guide me for this. 50% In Progress. 

  • Publishing- Search for the options. -- Still in To-Do. 0% Failed.

  • Add last certification in linked in profile. -- 0%. Failed. Not even opened linked in. 
  • Finance Planning :
This I want to make my top priority since couple of months but failing to do so.
  • Tax planning -- This is top priority now. Do this properly. -- Done. 80%. Made some last minute mistakes as well. There are some changes in workplace documentation and other things so next year onward this should be planned differently. 

  • Savings for education fund -- First, create a calendar for existing membership/certification payment deadlines. Creating calendars for payments and putting it somewhere so that it is visible regularly reminds us about those we tend to not miss those payments.  I will save/earn extra to put a number towards this fund.  -- 0% Not done... Failed.  

  • Kids Education Fund -- This is January, so I think good time to start new SIP for him. -- 100% Done

  • Review finances and plan according to the situation and start and stop SIPs, buy/sell accordingly. --  60% Ongoing

  • Shopping :
  • I guess, I should buy few clothes this month. I need them. I can again continue to search for my formal shoes as per my requirement. I also have to use the shoppers stop gift card that I have.  -- Well, I didn't find formal shoes which I wanted but I bought another color formal shoes and matching trousers for it. But I am not wearing it until I have matching jacket on it. So search is still on. 70% In Progress.
  • Life Skills :

  • Class : Inquire about a lifeskill class and if possible join. -- 0% Not done. Actually one of my bestie who wants to join the same skill class suggested me not to join and that I can do it on my own. Seriously? I too feel the same.. But may be I am just too lazy for doing it myself. Let's see. 

  • Cooking :  Try 4 new salads and jilebi. Son is asking for jilebis. -- 100% Done.

  • Try different work friendly hair styles. – I am feeling that their is some problem with hair. I am not styling them. I want to get new work friendly hair styles. Atleast 3 new styles. -- 100% Done. 

  • Hobby : I am actually planning some woolen jacket for myself. But I don't think I will get time for this. But I am keeping it on this list and I will try to do this. I know, if I start this, I can finish it in just few days.  -- 'Though I didn't take wool in hands but I Created a Terrarium. So I am giving check for this item. 80% Done. 

  • Music : I don't know what. But do something related to music. I need music badly. --0% Failed. Still figuring what I need to do. 

  • Religion/Spiritual :

  • Chanting 108 mantras for 15 days -- Continue with this. -- 100 % Done

  • One special type of fast – 1 day of this fasting minimum. Actually at the type of writing this, I am officially fasting, so this item should be ticked off in 32 hours. -- 100% Done. 

  • Special Meditation - 1 day minimum. I need it badly.  -- 0% Not done. 

  • Leisure :

  • Weekends -- One adventure trip and plan for future. -- Tripoto is publishing few professionals like me who are travelling a lot with their 9-5 day job and it is really inspiring me. So planning is the key to travel without affecting your job.  -- 0%Failed. I don't even have motivation now to go anywhere. I don't know why. 
  • Salon and Spa - A visit should be fine. -- 100% Done. 

  • Lunch/ Dinner Date with myself -Actually this month I am forcing myself to eat out. I have a prepaid card with some balance and it is going to expire this month. So more hotel ing to use the card balance. :)  -- 100% Done. So to spend the balance on that prepaid card, I ate out so much that before commencing last week of January, I had balance of Rs. 0.56 on that card. (I was still searching how do I spend that 56 paise but found nothing so when card expired, I lost Rs. 0.56. )  
  • Bike Servicing  -  Do as soon as possible. -- 100% Done

Friday, February 2, 2018

Shaaadiiiieeee Haiiiiiii......!!!

In the initial years of my career,whenever there would be some special work related event at my workplace, we would have environment of celebration. So we would be having these events scheduled late in the nights and everyone in the team would be in work hard+party mode. So at one moment we are sitting and working without even getting up from desk but once we were in good shape, we would have dinner in form of pizzas and so on. At the successful/failed event completion, our manager would used to drop all the female team members to their home in the cab. In this all rush of working and working and working and working... my manager used to describe this situation as "Shaadii Hai....(meaning -- It's the D-Day.... ;) ".  We would be working smart, enjoying, happy and safe too.

Couple of months back, I had such full day event for couple of days (I am sure, people in my field will understand which events I am talking about) and I exactly had this feeling.... Shaadi Hai.... I was so happy... Anyway, since I was super duper busy in that event that I couldn't blog about it. So that was first time I felt this "Shaadi Hai" feeling at workplace after many years.

Now, again the same "Shaadi Hai" feeling... Same event... and same me... Just the difference is I am in my manager's shoes now and I am glad that I have learnt so much from him. I am treating my team just the way he was treating us. I am happy to write this but even at this time of midnight, my team is working without any complaints and seems to be happy. I had already taken care to drop couple of female team members to their place as well.

You know what, sometimes you also don't know what all things you have learnt from so many people you meet in life. Thank You my Ex-Manager.... I am not like you at all... I am just Durga Devi... but yes... I am like you only...

You see, when you have authority you get more responsibilities as well... One sec, one sec... there was something like this.... yes... got it was With Great Powers come Great Responsibilities...
Oh my God...just missed another manager... He used to keep this dialogue in his presentations. I am so lucky I have got chance to work with such amazing managers....

Thank You God... :) 

Tuesday, January 30, 2018

And I Love You more than ever

I realised once again how old fashioned Mom I am.... My heart skipped a beat when my son said he wanted to become girl. When I checked the reason, it was because he saw his granny became old man to play a man's role in a drama.

Earlier I was surprised to find his girl partner in his school dance. He was practicing his dance with me for few days but I never figured out that in his group dance he was paired with a girl. I was shocked to see him performing couple moves in his dance with that girl child on stage....He was dancing with me daily but he never told me that he was dancing with a girl. I laughed at myself. The mother in me was being over-protective and I was doing 'too much'.
It's the same mother's feeling which took me to various reputed schools in the city for his further education. And when I found that one school that was perfect for my son I promised myself to get him there no matter what.
I realise i should be taking special care for him when he is just waiting for me to return home. At times when he says, ' please come' in his 'that' voice,  I can't stay normal. I know every working mother has to face this situation once in every while... Mumma....dont go.... When he, with naughtiness filled in his eyes, insist me to 'say it with love', I can't control smiling even though I am getting angry with him...
At times I do get angry on him, don't listen to him or make him doing things which he don't want to (brush teeth, anyone) , he do gets emotional. I really feel so sad in heart... But I know I have to be strong for his betterment.

Dear God, You know what I want.

Friday, January 26, 2018

Tu Hai

Wednesday, January 24, 2018

Pyaar Kiya to Nibhana



All the best and keep up the best work...

Tuesday, January 23, 2018

Maintaining Yourself and Hunger

I am in super-duper lazy mood these days... Just Chilling out.... Vacationing while working... Not at all in mood of cooking or doing chores... I am just eating and sleeping... That's all...

At times, I am super hungry and in mood to buy all the things in a shop to eat and shop has only two items... :(

The option which I don't even have to look in menu card and I am sure I will get it customized as per my requirement... I ate it 4 times this week... 4 times... last night as well..

Anyway, so this morning I had planned that I will have my lunch outside and I had even decided venue  which I was going to try out - a nearby restaurant. The cafeteria at my workplace has hundreds of food options and hence I have not yet explored the nearby restaurants and I thought I will start today. Because of this plan, I had not carried my lunchbox to the office today.  
Everything was going good... now comes the twist in the plot.
After having some washroom chat with a co-worker, she asked me my job role and the team.  When I told her my job role, her reaction was, "Really, you look so young..." (Once again, I consider myself as one of the youngest people in my job role in my department. All other peers are uncles...) So the girl continued that I had maintained myself very well and not many people can do that etc etc. Well, first of all this made me feel older... But then it gave me pressure. Well maintained? I am eating all the junk foods last few days and that's what I had planned today as well for lunch. Seriously, I had not thought about health in my vacation mood. So I was having no lunch carried with me and now I was feeling guilty too to eat outside. I checked my bag and all I had was the backup food items that I had kept for worst case scenario... some nuts, some sweets etc.  I thought I will have few fruit-plates but will eat healthy only.  
Another twist.... 
I had several meetings today and few lasted for so longer duration that I could not have my lunch.  I mean seriously? Once again my theory... you may have lots of money in your pocket... but if you are not destined to eat food, you won't get it. :( 
While returning home, I thought once again to get food parcel for myself from hotel since I was toooo hungry and reaching home and cooking for myself would take time.. But I controlled my hunger and came home, cooked and ate healthy food only. Anyway, I was feeling to spoil myself for some time... I didn't wanted to stay Udaas, Tanha, Akela and hence I converted this time into the opportunity to spoil myself... and now that too I couldn't do.  What God?

Sunday, January 21, 2018


When I passed PMP exam, I had decided to buy many things for me to treat myself.... Terrarium was one of them. I wanted to keep it on my desk. Well, in spite of searching rigorously, I didn't find anything matching my requirements. Whenever criteria matched, the cost was too high... Come-on, I was not going to spend 5-6 K on something which I was going to keep in office. You see, anything could happen... it could fall, break into pieces or worst case scenario, someone might just steal it... So I couldn't buy it. But obviously it was always in my mind and in my list. Hence, I would keep searching for it regularly.

Couple of days back, I got to know about this terrarium workshop in the city and my actual reaction was it is too expensive. The price was too high for 3-hours workshop. But then looking at my own situation and circumstances I thought to go for it. And yes, it was good experience. While I was creating the terrarium, I was talking to myself loudly... "I am going to keep this at my desk... This is so cool... But then what if someone just takes it while I am away... And no... this is 18 inches jar... bit bigger... Actually this will look perfect in some private space in office...Actually, I could gift it to someone who sits in cabin... And then for myself, I can create smaller version... For my desk actually I guess, I can use the old jar in my house where I have planted bamboo.... and so on..." My chitchatting with myself was so continuous that the artist who had demonstrated us how to create terrarium, made a video of me creating my terrarium with my talks. :)  [ Just a side note... I had heard somewhere that a woman needs to speak 20000 words per day while a man needs to speak around 5000 and that's why women talk so much. So in case your daily talking quota is not complete, go ahead... talk to yourself... you just can't wait for some friend to come/call and then you will talk...] 

Anyway, so terrarium is beautiful, I am feeling good and now I have a grand business idea.... YEAH.... YEAH... You have guessed it right... Yeah.. but I don't have time... may be I will save this idea for some other vacation time.. 

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